Today has been a bittersweet day for me.
Today was my last counseling appointment.
Not because I’m healed – I certainly still have a lot of work to do… but because we serve an amazing God who calls us to surrender and go when the time calls, and that is just what she is doing.
As I left my appointment, I felt like the Rock in Jumanji, “Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t Cry. Don’t cry.”
I’m not crying, you’re crying…
Driving back to work, I was reminded of this passage, “To everything, there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted. A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing. A time to gain, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away. A time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak. A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.
And as I type all of that out, I’m reminded of all of these instances I’ve experienced over the last 3 years…weeping, laughing (SO much laughter, seriously), mourning, silence, love, hate, breaking down, building up, healing… but most importantly, it reminds me that this was MY season. This was a season that God put someone into my life that would help me get through SO much – more than I ever thought possible. It is a reminder that we have people in our lives only for a season, and only for a specific purpose, and when that season ends, we all move on.
In the past 3 years, I’ve experienced so much. I’ve learned so much of myself. I’ve been able to gain self-confidence that I never had before in my 36 years on this earth. I’ve learned how to love. I’ve overcome trauma. I’ve learned how to set boundaries. I’ve broken down walls and come out of my shell. I’ve learned that it’s ok to stand up for yourself – even though you know you will hurt someone else – when the end result is growth and healing. I’ve had to break myself down to my very core, to feel like the world is over, only to start building myself up again, brick by brick. I’ve learned to better communicate. I’ve learned I have a “speedy brain”. I’ve learned to be patient (even though she constantly told me I’m the MOST patient person in the world! 🙂) I’ve learned that I’m not responsible for other peoples mistakes. I’ve been able to forgive people that hurt me over 20 years ago, yet I also learned how those pains can affect me in the present day. I’ve learned dunamis. I’ve been able to give up the deepest parts of me and heal so much pain. I’ve learned to be a better wife, a better mother, a better friend, a better employee, but most importantly, I’ve learned to be a better me.
And I couldn’t have done that without her.❤️
So although I will GREATLY miss our sessions together, I’m happy that our paths crossed and I was able to have a season with her. And I wish her all the best in her new season of life. 😁 And now… this season is over.
But a new one will begin.
“Teach us to count the days. Teach us to make the days count. Lead us in better ways, that, somehow, our souls forgot life means so much. Life means so much. Every day is a gift you’ve been given. Make the most of the time, every minute you’re living.” – Chris Rice